KAITO: Maintenance Guide and Manual
by Blue Phoenix135790
Summary: We at Crypton Incorporated believe in giving you the finest quality products that money can buy. We greatly appreciate your recent purchase and if you ever have any problems after reading this manual, a support team is available 24/7. Enjoy!


**A/N:** Sorry for the delay, but combined with my procrastination, homework, and the act that I didn't want to offend anyone, this took some time, dammit.

Nothing is owned by me, I own nothing.

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><p>Congratulations! We never thought you'd buy this unit! *Sniff* Please, read this manual about how to take care of your KAITO unit while we cry tears of joy!<p>

**Accessories**

KAITO units come packaged with

1. Multiple tubs of ice cream

2. Portable freezer

3. Blue muffler

4. Rapist-B-Gone

**Common Personality Settings**

Happy/Lovable

Clueless/Idiotic

Pedo

KAITO units are amazingly upbeat, and are often the antidepressant that your suicidal grandmother needs to get away from her Nyquil PM. This happy disposition is what often causes women to be attracted to these units, for some reason.

Unfortunately, KAITO units are exceptionally dumb. The earliest example of this was the original KAITO making a comment to the original LEON unit about him having an entire harem of English-speaking units to himself. In front of the other English-speaking units. What followed was a seven-hour brutal beat-down on the KAITO unit by the original LEON, LOLA, MIRIAM, SWEET ANN, PRIMA, LUKA MEGURINE, and SONIKA units. This also sprouted the unfortunate moniker of "BaKaito".

The Pedo mode is, luckily, a hidden feature, much like the MIRIAM unit's MAGIC TIEM! mode. Unfortunately, it can be triggered, but only by certain units, listed below.

**Other Compatible/Incompatible Units**

MEIKO: The "partner" unit to these ones, MEIKO acts like a responsible older sister towards the KAITO unit, even though their builds show much different. The two are called "Elder family" by the younger VOCALOID units. Dual ownership is recommended.

MIKU HATSUNE: A less-frequent, but still frequent, target of the KAITO unit's Pedo mode. In certain cases, the affections have actually been returned and/or never received at all by the MIKU unit in question. Ownership is optional.

LEN KAGAMINE: Unfortunately, the main target of the KAITO unit's Pedo mode. The unit's "Shota" looks attract the KAITO units to them like flies to honey. Or LEON units to women. Or something to that extent. Unless you live in a community that doesn't frown upon such things (Good luck finding one), ownership is ill-advised.

RIN KAGAMINE: The least frequent target of the Pedo mode, the feelings (or lack of) will sometimes be returned, even if the KAITO unit showed no interest anyways. As these units are sold along with LEN KAGAMINE units, ownership still depends on the community in which you live in.

GAKUPO KAMUI: These units are, oddly enough, the best friends of the KAITO units, often dragging them along on odd endeavors (And vice versa). Ownership is suggested.

**Handling and Care**

These units can either be quite self-sufficient, or quite dependant, depending on how you treat them. This is self explanatory, so I will not expound upon it.

Unfortunately, when the KAITO unit was first sold, only 500 units were sold, while the LEON, LOLA, MIRIAM, and MEIKO units sold at least over 1,000 units each. This caused our original marketing department to recall KAITO units. Luckily, about a year and a half later, a MIKU HATSUNE unit at a local karaoke bar dedicated the song she was singing, "You", to the original KAITO unit, asking exactly what happened to the units. There was an enormous boom in KAITO sales after that, and the unit was saved. This event, however, gave KAITO units abandonment issues, and unless they know you're coming back, you will most likely come home seeing your KAITO in tears, drowning his sorrows in ice cream.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: My KAITO unit keeps talking to himself, and I have him on medicine for schizophrenia. The condition doesn't seem to be getting better, however. What's wrong?

A: There's nothing wrong with your unit! Before the KAITO unit was finished, the technical department created several prototypes for the KAITO unit, including the AKAITO, KIKAITO, TAITO, NIGAITO, KAIKO, ZEITO, DAITO, KAMAITO, and MOKAITO units. They discovered that by combining all of the prototypes' qualities, the end result would actually be the KAITO unit. Unfortunately, the end result also had one side effect: The original voices of the units will actually "speak" to the KAITO unit, and occasionally, you will hear their voices as KAITO ends up speaking for them. Take your KAITO unit off of the medicine and carry on with your life.

Q: My KAITO unit actually isn't interested in my LEN, RIN, or MIKU units, but is instead interested my MEIKO unit! Is this a problem?

A: Unless you see it as a problem, no.

Q: My KAITO unit keeps forgetting important dates! Why?

A: Calm your tits, lady. :/ This is a glitch in the programming. Send the unit back and we'll give him a free tune-up.

Many well wishes to you and thank you for buying from Crypton Inc.!

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><p><strong>AN:** True story, actually. Kaito was all but forgotten, then someone made Miku sing "You", and Kaito was remembered. And those were real derivatives.

DAMMIT, WOMAN! CALM YOUR TITS AND REVIEW!


End file.
